Our Anniversary | Big Sur

I started writing this blog post about our first year, but honestly our first year was boringly normal. We immediately loved living together, never argued about squeezing the toothpaste, and besides not commuting back and forth to each other’s houses, nothing huge changed for us. We both had our same jobs, our same friends, it was just far more convenient to hang out. We happily told people that we loved marriage and we weren’t lying.

The last four months have been a little different. Things got hard. We both went through times of coming to grips with our expectations, and our disappointment in how things were (it’s crazy how slowly and sneakily this stuff builds up!). I spent months feeling bad for myself, that our marriage wasn’t what I had pictured, and then there were lightbulb moments that I began realizing how selfish and critical I had become, and how much of the distance we felt was my fault. There has been lots of tears, lots of hard conversations, and lots of forgiveness. There has also been the sweetest, best times in our marriage to date. I share this because I never want to paint an unrealistic picture of what marriage is. It’s a promise to continue choosing each other, even when it’s not easy. It’s the choice to talk through hurts, apologize, forgive, and see the best in each other. I am certainly no marriage expert, but I feel like we’re passing our first test, and I am so, so grateful that we are learning and growing. I’d rather grow than have a stagnant, easy life that produces no fruit.

For our one year anniversary, we stood on a cliff by the ocean and re-read our vows to each other. We didn’t just vow to stay married. We vowed to pursue each other through the highs and lows, and to love with the same kind of love that Jesus has shown us. That steady, unconditional, fierce kind of love. I’m so grateful we have something bigger than us that pulls us back together. And I’m super thankful for a man who is humble, kind, and ridiculously selfless…even when I’m a little butt and don’t make it easy! We’re actually having a lot of fun being married right now, and that is awesome. For as much as hardships are real, healing is real too. We know there will be more storms. But we know if we’re willing to let them (and with God’s help) they will only pull us closer together.

(Photo credit: Lexi Burr)